Parenting Adolescent Child

 

 

 

How To Help Your Children Navigate Adolescence Crossroads

by Chrisluchy Initiative

 

What Is It About Adolescent?

It is the transition period of rapid growth, from childhood to adulthood, usually between the ages of 10 to 19 years (may differ in some children).

Due to some interesting biological conflicts between their fast developing brain and the fully developed adult body that houses this early-to-middle adult brain, the adolescent stage is when the child explores different roles (sometimes crazy roles) that gives them their unique identity - in their way of thinking, views about life, and everything. More than ever before, as a result of the unprecedented social forces of the current digital age, led by marketing and digital social media, which in more ways affects their health and well-being, as well their social development.

The Stages

World Health Organization (WHO), in agreement with psychologists identifies 3 phases in the adolescent development:

i.                   10-13 years old: Early adolescent phase, when the child brains, though still an infant’s brain is experiencing the development of an emerging adult body, with all the hormonal and physical changes in the body that is preparing to usher them into full adulthood. It causes curiosity and sometime fears, as well as sudden need for privacy.

ii.                 14-16 years old: The mid adolescent stage. The child has a 50% adult’s brain and a 50% early-to-middle adult brain in a fast-developing adult body. This results in developed sexual desires and increased independence/argument with their parents and other adults.

iii.              17-19 years old: At this late adolescent phase, the brain just arrived at a fully developed adult brain in an adult body that had been conflicting with a rapidly developing brain for the past 5 years. They now have a better control of their emotions and desires, but not fully.

As a result of the psychological transitions and developments that happens, they believe so much in all forms of fairytales, and can be easily swayed in any direction. Right or wrong parenting at this stage of life, therefore, largely affects the future of the child. Even as it is all about them, adolescents hardly understand what being an adolescent is all about. Parents needs to let them understand it.

Therefore, all decisions and attitudes, knowledge and ideologies formed at this stage of life bears all the distinctive signs of whatever brain the child had at that point, but as guided/controlled by their fast-emerging adult body – and of course the input of the parents. This is where your parenting is critically needed!

 

4 Ways You Can Parent An Adolescent.

Parents needs to carefully nurture and guide the child at this stage, considering the child’s fast transitioning brain would want take control of their fully developed body. The most effective way to achieve this is by showing massive LOVE, and ensuring the right amount of DISCIPLINE. In other words, parents would have to carefully guide the fast changing brains of that child, disciplining them when necessary (to ensure that whatever may be bending is straightened). Showing the child all the love possible is important, lest the child not resort to rebellion, thinking that you are fighting their growth into adulthood – which only their body (but not their brain) has developed into.

 

 

An alternative to this method of Love and Discipline is the AUTHORITARIAN parenting, where hard iron fist fight against the child’s emerging adult body is used. Parents that toe this path would always have their children develop into rebellious and broken adults, as the early-to-middle adulthood brain in the fully developed adult body would eventually advance into an adult brain that has known only fights, and no love.

A third option is being PERMISSIVE and giving in to whatever the still developing brain wants for the adult body, out of irrational love without discipline. This method of parenting is as good as maintaining and stagnating an early-to-middle adult brain in a fully matured adult body. Whenever you see an over-dependent adult or one that continues to behave like a baby in their adulthood, you are looking at a product of permissive parentage.

 

Finally, and perhaps the worst approach to raising an adolescent is being completely UNINVOLVED in the adolescent child’s life. If neither love nor discipline is shown to a child at this crossroad, they are bound to take a path in their development, and it is usually the most convenient, enticing and available path – which more often than not leads into a damaged adulthood.

 

Carrot And Stick Makes It Good

You must love your adolescent child unconditionally. Showing them love should also be accompanied with an appropriate measure of discipline, to ensure that their future as adult is not spoiled. Parents would achieve this by doing the following:

1.  Ensue you always meet your adolescent child’s need (not their wants).
   
2.  Show interest in and respect their views and opinions on all issues, no matter how serious or trivial.
3.  Make sure that you correct their wrong views/opinions on all issues
4.  Take advantage of every little opportunity on any matter (even if it is trivial) to engage them on discussions that would positively benefit and guide them into responsible adults.
5.   Most importantly, ensure that you have built a solid trust between you and your adolescent child, so that they can always feel free to easily discuss any and everything with you, especially their increasing wants and skyrocketing desires and fears. (For more on this visit our youtube channel).
6.  On any serious matter that they may have fears or that excessive hormones-induced desires for, ensure that you carefully consider their utmost good while arriving at your final decision, and always ensure that you show them “all workings” as the mathematical saying goes, to arrive at your decision. This is important for them tom understand that is purely for their own good and not to satisfy your own selfish goals or desires as their parent.
7.  Ensure that while doing these, the child freely expresses their views and and are allowed to make their own honest inputs before you arrive at the decision. It is at this point that the love you show them would convince them that you are for their own good. 
   
   
   
8. In case they have a contrary choice to yours, with potentials to harm their present and future, you have the extra duty to lovingly reapply 6 and 7 above. Nevertheless, when they consistently reject the carrot, you should never spare the stick of discipline in guiding them on the right path. It may be hard for you both, but be rest assured that as long as you have always been a loving parent and only applied discipline at time like this (when needed), your adolescent child would grow into that adult you would be proud of. In their adulthood, they would forever be grateful and proud of you.

 

Please follow us on @ChrisLuchyInitiative on facebook, Instagram, Youtube, Twitter and other handles for more on parenting and more.